you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
