Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
