I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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