I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize