New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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