good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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