How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
