I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
