Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
