i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
