How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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