so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
We talked him into tasing himself.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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