Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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