and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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