about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
