i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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