Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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