You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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