i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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