I just saw a hot homeless man
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
