I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
