Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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