Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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