he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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