I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
