what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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