Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
