You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Randomize
