we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Just invented taco cereal.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
