I CAN MOONWALK!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
40s are totally the cure
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
