I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
"it" just moved
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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