Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
