I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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