I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
