you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
