I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
