the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
