She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
