I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
