I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
