what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
