Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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