some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize