The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
