then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize