Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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