I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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