just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
