textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
