He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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