whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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