The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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