Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
