Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
