I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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