I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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