I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
