your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
