i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
