IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
