Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
