mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize