doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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