she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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