Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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